Talk about Estate Planning with your Parents

We are often asked how to broach the conversation of estate planning with a client’s parents. If you see the importance of an estate plan, you know it is because it simplifies things for the loved ones left behind. You want to ensure your parents wishes are enforced, and also that you aren’t grieving their loss at the same time you are trying to navigate their affairs. This is a reasonable request but can often lead to trouble if it is the child’s idea and not the parents’.

The best way to start this conversation is to not attempt to have the conversation during a special event or moment. Some clients have (mistakenly) believed that it appears casual to bring up their estate plan at Mom’s 60^th birthday party instead of having a separate dinner just to discuss it. But what Mom hears is, “Hey Mom, happy birthday! This party reminds me that you’re going to die soon, so have you created a will to ensure I get all your money?”. Certainly, that is not what you said, but your actual words are very often of little consequence if a person’s feelings are hurt.

When you have this special conversation, you can lead by example. Show them your estate planning documents (perhaps not the actual provisions, if you are not comfortable with that), explain how the process went for you. Was it easy? How long did it take? Hopefully it was less work than you expected, or at the very least you received guidance and were sure of your next steps along the way. Be sure to tell them what you learned, and stress that you wanted to create an estate plan for those left behind, not yourself.

It is important to keep the tone casual. Reinforce the idea that you want to honor their wishes; in order to do that, you have to know their wishes. And in some cases, you can only honor those wishes if they are in writing.

Finally, do not ‘make it easy on them’ and schedule a consultation for them with your attorney. First, they may have their own attorney with whom they are comfortable. Second, it is rather presumptuous to assume they will immediately be ready to create their estate plan. Sometimes all you can do is plant the seeds and wait for them to take hold.

When your parents are ready to move forward, check out our blog on {INSERT LINK} “Organizing Important Estate Planning Documents” to ensure you will have as seamless transition as possible. If you aren’t sure how to help your parents gather information, you can get a copy of our estate planning analysis here!